Dec. 1st, 2005

i_was_like_this_once: (dresden dolls)
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
GEOFF: A Vassar College senior, majoring in Drama with an interest (and class) in Russian history. Has recently reinstalled Diablo II on his Macintosh G4 Laptop.
PERSUASIVE ASIAN HOUSEMATE: Lives immediately next door to Geoff. When not drinking, cooking, rolling a cigarette, chasing people with his lightsaber or (sometimes) combining one or more of those activities, he's usually finding other means to procrasinate. Has recently reinstalled Diablo II on his Macintosh G4 desktop.
RUSSIAN HISTORY 242 SYLLABUS: A much-maligned and neglected piece of paper that just might hold vital information.
VOICE OF REASON FROM DOWNSTAIRS: Ex-stage manager for the Department, an advocate of other people doing their work, and sometimes doing hers. Has NOT recently reinstalled Diablo II on her Macintosh G4 Laptop, in fact, has probably never played Diablo II in all of her life.

A messy room in the TA's, Vassar College, on or around the present day.

Enter GEOFF, slightly used and abused by his Chekhov seminar. He's done well on a paper, though, and has just had some tasty pizza, so things are okay - however, they could use that little extra boost that only Diablo II can give. He sheds his coat and his shoes, and wakens the computer.

Soon, Geoff is engrossed in the adventures of his Barbarian, as he hacks and slashes his way through a desert landscape.


GEOFF: [incoherent mutterings] This game fucking rules. Hehehee. I have *two* swords.

Frantic pounding of the "1" button on the keyboard

[as his character dies and is reborn] Shit.

Enter the Persuasive Asian Housemate

PAH: You went on ahead? Dude, we do that TOGETHER! You host.
GEOFF (to self): Maybe I should work on- no. Host game.

Geoff hosts a game. There follows several hours of yelling back and forth between the adjoining rooms as the Barbarian, now joined by a rather comely Sorceress, adventure through the desert, then the jungle, then the outer reaches of Hell itself. Pause for nearly an hour while PAH exploits a game flaw that enables him to duplicate his weapons, equipment, and gemstones.

Enter RUSSIAN HISTORY 242 SYLLABUS


GEOFF: Oh, look! It's Russian History 242 Syllabus! Hey, when's that term paper on the impact of Bolshevism on the Russian Home Front during World War One due?
RH242S: Oh, that shit? That shit's due on Tuesday, homes. Fo' shizzle.
GEOFF: ...bullshit it is.
RH242S: I shit you not, bro.
GEOFF: ...dammit.

Geoff thinks - maybe I should stop playing Diablo II for tonight and do some work. It is, after all, five hours later. Unfortunately, at this point PAH announces that he is ready to continue the quest. Geoff, with an elaborate sigh, re-maxes his screen.

GEOFF: Okay, go.
RH242S: Bitch, yo' ass is gonna regret this.

Victory! The Lord Of All Death lies... dead. Geoff takes a moment to savor the irony, and because he is a good multitasker, also ressurects his mercenary and identifies the Falchion dropped by Diablo. It's not a very good one, so he sells it.

VOICE OF REASON FROM DOWNSTAIRS [offstage, via AIM]: Are you STILL playing that game?
GEOFF: ...maybe? Yes. It's no longer a choice, it is an addiction, and you should respect that.
VORFD: You need help.
GEOFF: Arrrrr. [does not magically become a pirate]

Geoff looks at Russian History 242 Syllabus. Russian History 242 Syllabus looks back at Geoff. There is a moment of silence.

GEOFF: Fine, I'll start you, but I'll be writing about this in Livejournal.
RH242S: Do what thou wilt, thou hast five days to do thy paper. My will be done. Three two one GO!

Exeunt omnes

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